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#12 Turn and Face the Strange Changes

You and I plan. We wake up and say to ourselves, "Today I'm going to go the the mall. Then I'm going to eat lunch. Then I'm going to go home and take a nap." etc., etc. Thais don't do this, at least not as much. From my experience it appears Thai people wake up and say, "I'm going to go outside, and then whatever happens, happens."

This most affects me at work. Western-minded me, I am given a schedule of classes, so I follow the schedule and show up at each class on time (usually early). One day early on during my Thai teaching career, my students didn't show up. This is not unusual - they are almost always late. So I waited . . . 5 minutes . . . 10 minutes . . . 15 minutes . . . At the 20 minute mark I called our Thai coordinator. "Hey, it's been 20 minutes and my class hasn't arrived. Has something changed?" First of course there was laughter. They always laugh (see blog entry #11). "Oh yes, today students go to temple. No class today."

Now the first 10 or so times this happened I got pissed. Afterall, I am the teacher. I should be the first person told when there's a change in my schedule. You gave me this schedule to follow. I follow it, always on time. If you so much as think about changing anything you need to tell me at least a day in advance. Right?

After five years teaching in Thailand, I have learned that the norm is they tell everyone EXCEPT the falang teacher. If they do tell you something it is always at the very last minute.

I'm not sure why this happens. I could easily blame it on the language barrier, but it's more than that. I think Thais just sort of float through life, bumping into each other and changing directions like plastic 7-11 bags swirling around in the wind. They look at us with our organized schedules and our "to-do" lists and think we are worrying too much.

They are also famous for giving partial information. If they actually tell you about a "plan" in advance, you can bet your bottom baht that there are key details missing.

When I lived up country I was dependant upon the local bus system to get around. If I wanted to go to the nearest big city I had to catch the local bus (usually at least a 30 minute wait), then ride for an hour-and-a-half to get to the city bus station, then get a baht bus or tuk tuk to wherever I wanted to go. So when one of the Thai teachers offered to give me a ride to town, I jumped at the opportunity. My expectation was that she and I would go in her car, and if I could hook up with her for a ride back, great. If not, no big deal. I'd just catch the bus back. We were leaving at Noon, so in my head I figured at the worst I'd be able to catch the bus by about 4 and be back home no later than 6.

Little did I know . . .

First, she was on time, which kind of surprised me. She pulled up in a big passenger van. She was not driving. I was told the girl driving was her sister. Another guy sitting in the back was introduced as one of her former students. I climbed in, expecting we would begin our trip to the big city. Instead we made a stop for another passenger - another teacher. He wasn't quite ready to go, so we made two other stops to pick up more people. Then we filled up with gas, and everybody piled out to buy food and drinks. Afterwards we went back for the first guy. He was ready this time.

So, okay, it wasn't the cozy ride with just the original teacher and myself, and after 20 minutes we still hadn't left town, but no big deal. We were finally on the highway out of town . . .

We made three more stops at towns along the way to pick up more people. It was after picking up the last guy that I was told they were all going to an insurance seminar, which started at 1PM. She assured me that it would be finished at 4PM if I wanted a ride back. Once we arrived in the city we pulled up to the hotel where the seminar was taking place and dropped everyone off (of course they were 20 minutes late). Sister then drove me over to my destination: Big C.

I did my shopping, had lunch, and basically was ready to head back by 2:30. I could have gone to the bus station and taken the bus back to our little town, but no, I decided to hang around and ride back with "the group". Not a big issue. I found plenty of things to do to kill time until the seminar was finished.

Now, I'm no dummy. I knew the seminar probably wouldn't end on time. I walked over to the hotel around 4:30 and saw that it was still going on. So I walked over to 7-11, got something to eat and drink, then went back at about 5. Still not finished. They all finally rolled out around 6PM.

Again, I'm no dummy. These are Thai people, and they have been in a seminar for several hours. They're going to go somewhere to eat. I was half right. First we went to the mall, where part of the group ate while the rest of us shopped. For some reason an older male Thai teacher latched onto me and followed me around the mall. He was very eager to practice his English. Of course the group got split up without any plan on where and when to meet up later, but eventually we found the last stragglers and loaded into the van. Finally we were on our way home . . . but first we made a stop at a little Chinese noodle stand, where we all ate.

I didn't get back to my room until after 9PM.

The next time I saw the teacher who had organized (?) the trip she admitted that she had lied to me about how long the seminar would last. Her exact words, "I no want you angry. Thai people no plan, just go."

So if you find yourself in a situation where your transportation is completely in the hands of a Thai person, just accept the fact that you will be gone all day and will have no idea where you will be going.

Sofa King

Sofa King


#11 In Thailand It's Always A Laughing Matter

Thais laugh at everything. Whoever thought of the "Land of Smiles" slogan was probably referring to this trait, but they obviously didn't know Thais very well. Yeah, they're smiling and laughing, but not for the reason you think.

Part of it is the "saving face" thing. When someone gets angry, the Thais start laughing. It's their way of allowing you to get out of your embarrassing display of temper. Sort of like, "Oh, yes, you are just joking about being angry. Now let's calm down and continue as though nothing has happened." Problem is, in much of the West we think it's pretty normal to get angry in certain situations. If our water gets shut off while we're showering, most of us are gonna be yelling on the phone at the water department customer service operator. The Thais will just chuckle and calmly suggest that someone might have hit the wrong button because they were busy.

Now, what if the guy who answers the phone at the water department started laughing at you?

That's what happens when you have a problem in Thailand - they smile and laugh.

I picked up my laundry and when I got home I noticed a shirt was missing. I went back to the laundry and did my best to explain. I pointed at the shirt I was wearing, said "si keow" for "green", then said "mai mee", "no have".

She laughed.

This is one of my favorite shirts. I was not pissed, but I was not laughing.

Thais are not used to dealing with someone who doesn't follow the "save face" rules and just laugh everything off. An angry face just makes them laugh more, which pisses me off more.

After a couple of go rounds with my limited Thai and the lady smiling and saying, "Mai, mai mee" "No, no have", I slipped inside her shop and looked through the clothing hanging on the many rods. Sure enough, there it was, mixed in with someone else's clothes. Then she REALLY started laughing. "Oh! Mai hen, mai hen!" ("No see"). Of course there was no apology. That would be admitting she'd fucked up, and Thais seldom so that.

They also laugh at things they don't expect, and in awkward situations - like the horror of having to deal with a Falang.

I went to buy some new shoes the other day. I walked into the shoe department at my local Tesco Lotus and asked a girl if she could help me. She laughed. I tried to speak a little Thai and she laughed some more. You'd have thought I'd walked in wearing a clown outfit.

I grabbed a shoe and said, "Chop." (Like). Then I put the shoe on the floor next to my foot, showing her it was obviously too small. "Mee yai, mai?" (Do you have big sized?). She finally managed to speak through her guffaws, and rattled off a rapid string of Thai which flew about one foot over my head.

"Kahtoht na kap. Mai kowjai. Phut pasa Thai nit noi." Which means, "Sorry, I don't understand. I only speak a little Thai." Then I did the shoe comparison again and repeated, "Mee yai mai?" She laughed some more and fired off another incomprehensible monologue, expecting that I might have graduated from an advanced Thai language course in the last 2 minutes.

I'm not sure what more information she needed. I was there to buy shoes. I found one I liked, and a brief glance at the display shoe next to mine would tell you I needed a bigger size. In my mind she should have zipped off to the storeroom and been looking through the big sizes instead of talking "at me" in Thai.

Back home I probably would have gotten pissed, ("Goddammit! Stop laughing and do your job!") but I knew that would have just made her laugh more.

She finally called for help. Another girl arrived and they laughed for a few minutes while I stood there holding the shoe. Then I had the bright idea of pointing at the other shoes I liked, thinking maybe that might speed up the process. I pointed and repeated, "Chop, chop, chop" so much you'd have thought you were at a lumberjack convention. Then I reminded them of the size issue, "Mee yai mai?"

By now the cleaning ladies had joined in and were giggling while they pushed their brooms past us. Girl number 2 must have been a member of Mensa, because she figured out the mysterious solution that seemed to have eluded girl number 1: She marched into the storeroom and shortly reappeared with a box of shoes. They were too small, but she raced back for another pair without delay. Imagine that: The guy who asked for help in the shoe department actually wanted to try on shoes? Who'd-a-thunk?

The third pair she brought me fit pretty well, (Why she didn't just bring out three or four boxes at once I'm not sure, but hey, how silly am I for expecting logic in this situation?) so I plunked down some money and was soon on my way.

I'm sure they laughed about it all night. "That crazy Falang in the shoe department!"

Sofa King

Sofa King


#10 The Lady Drink Scam

Lady Drinks. Okay, here goes . . .

Guys, you don't have to pay crazy prices for drinks to get laid in Pattaya, though many bar owners would have you believe that.

First, service levels in Thailand are much lower than in most of our home countries. In Thailand, unless you're at a high-end restaurant, what you typically get is:

"Here's the menu."
"Can I take your order?"
"Here's your food."
"Tell me when you want to pay".

Thai servers seldom check on your during your meal. "Is everything okay here?" is a question seldom heard in Thailand. The servers are too busy looking at their phones or watching TV.

Pattaya, however, is a town full of falangs, many of whom expect such service. Bar owners need to provide this service to be successful, and should train their staff accordingly.

At your typical beer bar, the girls are hired to serve drinks AND socialize with customers. That's why the bar pays them a monthly wage. Keep the drinks full and be friendly. Bar owner 101.

Thai girls have to be trained to give extra service. It's not part of their culture.

If the bar owner wants repeat falang business, they'll train their staff in the ways of falang style service.

If you're sitting at a bar in Pattaya and the bar girls are ignoring you, the owner didn't do his job in the training department.

Ahhhh, but Pattaya bar owners have found a way to avoid their duty to their customers - the Lady Drink scam.

"Guys, if you want the girls to sit with you, you have to buy them a drink . . . and we have these over-priced drinks on our menu exclusively for bargirls . . . you better buy one . . . you don't want to sit all by yourself, do you?"

He's got the customers funding an incentive program that pays out to the bargirls,encouraging lazy behavior on their part ("I'm not gonna sit with any guy who doesn't buy me a drink."), AND he makes an extra profit per drink over his normal profit. What a great deal . . . for bar owners, that is.

Is it any wonder that he recommends buying lady drinks instead of tipping the girls directly? He doesn't get a cut of a tip you personally hand to the girl.

You want a girl to sit with you? Slip her 50 baht. You want to make sure she doesn't abandon you for the sexy young man who just walked in the bar? Give her 100 baht, and whisper in her ear, "How much for barfine?".

At least all that money goes into her pocket, not for some over-priced glass of colored water.

Supply/demand is on our side in Pattaya. There is always another bar next door. There are so many hot girls in Pattaya that it's a waste of time to turn to look at a stunner - another one will be coming up in a few seconds.

Say "No!" to the Lady Drink Scam.

Sofa King

Sofa King


#9 The Art of Ass

As I grow older, I have developed an appreciation for the female posterior.

I used to not care about my partner's ass. I wasn't gonna be fucking it (still not into anal, though I have tried it), so I really didn't care what she looked like walking away.

That has all changed.

Now I'm just as likely to choose a girl based on her ass as her tits.

I like 'em round and firm, not flat and shapeless.

I love an ass that, when viewed in profile, curves out from the waist and then curves back with a nice healthy overhang above the legs - in other words, a butt that sticks out.

To quote an old Saturday Night Live sketch, "I like a woman with a big butt. Something you can hang on to and hit with a car antennae!"

Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce - bring 'em on!

The important thing, besides that curve I talked about, it the "hips-to-waist ratio".

A big butt is okay, often desireable, as long as the waist is a certain degree smaller. Same with a small butt - the waist must be smaller. The problem occurs when hips and waist are close to the same size or (God forbid) the waist is bigger.

When you've got her on her hands and knees, going at it doggie style, you want to be able to smack her ass and then move your hands "inward" to her waist.

I was enjoying the company of a sweet lady recently. I met her during Songkran. She was teaching at a school in a town nearby: 45 years old (but looked 35), divorced, one kid, liked to drink whiskey, and had a lovely round ass. She was in good shape, ran around the school track most mornings, but not a small lady. She had a nice hips-to-waist ratio.

Yup, it's all about the "HTWR" - "hips-to-waist ratio".

I now find myself going for big asses, asses many guys would reject as being too big. I can forget about a so-so face or a saggy pair of tits if I've got a nice big round ass to grab and smack during sex.

It's sort of like mountain climbing.

"Dude, why did you barfine the chick with the big ass?"

"Because it was there."

Sofa King

Sofa King


#8 The True Issan Warrior

Those of us who live "up-country" belong to an unofficial fraternity.

We have foresaken the falang comforts of Bangkok and Pattaya. You might be able to impress your friends back home with tales of your "exotic" life in downtown Krungthep, or paint a bohemian picture of life in your "bungalo" just off Jomtien Beach, but us "up-country" pioneers know you are living stumbling distance from a McDonalds and a Starbucks.

I give credit to any Westerner who has had the balls to venture out of their comfort zones and visit a big up-country city. You've spent a weekend in Korat? Good for you! That's the first step. Still, a weekend in a big modern "non-touristy" Thai city is beginner's fare for the true Issan warrior.

Step 2 is visiting a small town. Your girl is from Udon Thani? Well, actually she is likely not from the big modern "amphur muang". Naw, she's probably from Nong Han or Ban Dung or Kumphawaphi - small towns within 30-40 minutes drive of Udon. If you've spent the night in one of these towns, where the highlight of an evening is a trip to the group of tents that make up the night market, you can stamp your Issan warrior ticket for the next level.

How "ba-nock" can you go? Sorry for the imperfect translation, but "ba-nock" is basically "hick", "rural". People in Bangkok think everyone who lives outside the city limits is "ba-nock". Real "ba-nock" is living in a rural village. Using the above example, Nong Han is a town, but there are many small villages around it. What are these villages like? There are few if any paved roads. They have no 7-11, only Mom-and-Pop stores. It's a small cluster of homes surrounded by rice fields. You see buffaloes walking by your house each morning. The power and water go out for hours on a regular basis, and no one seems to mind because it probably wasn't that long ago that they didn't even have electricity or public water. Guys who manage to live in a rural Thai village are the true Issan warriors. They are also slightly crazy, IMHO. I was once a member of that crazy fraternity, and I will never live there again. Village life is not for me.

When I meet fellow warriors and we start chatting about life up country, I have a yard stick I use to measure their warrior level. "Barrell and Bowl". How often have you been forced to shower with only the big water barrell and scooping bowl? If you've lived in a village or small town, chances are you are intimately aquainted with the technique of the barrell and bowl, specifically the bowl position required to rinse your soapy underarms.

"Show me the barrell-and-bowl-underarm-techinique! . . . Ahhhh, yes, very good! You know the required movement. Yes, you are truly an Issan warrior!"

Sofa King

Sofa King


From: my TGF is pregnant, by another guy

[quote name="Cabbie88" post="2612388" timestamp="1396656807" date="05 April 2014 - 12:13 AM"]
Just when I think I have read and seen it all lol. Carry one sponsoring her mate lol its cause if numb nuts like you why bar fines are so high and the women want to much. Haha serves your right mate your to gulibal[/quote]

Source: [url="http://www.pattaya-addicts.com/forum/topic/219411-my-tgf-is-pregnant-by-another-guy/?view=findpost&p=2612388"]my TGF is pregnant, by another guy[/url]

I agree 100 per cent. There really cant be people this gullible around in Patts.........................................




#7 What's that you're eating?

"Have you eaten breakfast?"

That's a reasonable question, especially if the questioner has some breakfast food to offer.

"What did you eat?"

That's getting a little nosey, but okay.

"How was it?"

What is this, the breakfast inquisition?

At least 3 Thai people ask me these 3 questions everyday. Then I'm asked 3 more times about lunch. Luckily I am usually at home alone after I have my dinner or I'd be asked 3 more times.

Why are Thais so obsessed about food?

I think back to when I lived in the US. I don't think I ever asked my co-workers what they'd eaten for breakfast. Honestly, I don't give a shit what other people eat.

"Gincow riang?"

When you live in Thailand those words are like the chant of some Satanic cult.

"Gincow riang?"

"Uh, yeah, I already ate."

"Gin alai?"

"What did I eat? Uh, let's see, I had two fried eggs."

Then, no matter what food you've told them, they get this over-excited spastic teenager look on their face and shout, "Aloy MAIIIII?"

"Yeah, it was good. It was delicious."

Then they lean over to their friend and speak very quickly in Thai, like they've just seen a baby panda do a backflip.

"Oh, falang blah blah blah fly egg, blah blah blah Dee-Liss-Eee-Ussss!". Then they laugh. They always laugh about whatever you eat.

I understand, it's a sort of greeting, and they are just being friendly, but seriously, it's kind of creepy.

I usually eat lunch in the school canteen. As soon as I have gotten my plate of food my students are right there. "Tea-CHUH! Aloi MAIII?"

I smile and say, "Aloi, aloi",and the students squeel in amazement, but what I want to say is, "I haven't even tasted it yet! How do I know if it is delicious! Give me a chance to eat, for Christ's sake!"

No one since my mother has been so concerned about what I put in my stomache.

I'm standing in line at 7-11, waiting to pay for some hot dogs. The lady next to me asks, "Falang gin alai?". Now I've never seen this woman before. Why does she need to know what I'm eating? But okay, I'll play along.

"Gin hot dog."

She is an Issan woman, so she gives me the Laos version.

"Ohhh, falang gin hot-tadog! Sap bor?"

Living in the sticks for awhile I have picked up a little Lao, so I surprise her with, "Sap lai dur.". I think she has an orgasm.

"Oooooeeeee! Falang put Lao! Sap lai dur! Sap, sap, sap!"

The entire 7-11 is in an uproar because I'm eating hot dogs.

Then they always offer you what they are eating. A very nice gesture, but our tastes in cusine are a bit different.

"Gee, thanks for offering me that slice of durian, but I think I'll go stick my nose in an old shoe instead."

Hey, different cultures have different food, and I like most Thai food, but seeweed flavored potato chips? Fish sauce, sugar, hot sauce AND vineger in their soup? And lest we forget, shrimp pizza with ketsup. "Thanks, but no thanks."

Don't worry about me and my food.

Sofa King

Sofa King


#6 Oh Bother

I came to Thailand for the bargirls. I stayed for the teaching.

Funny how the joys of prostitution led me to a job I enjoy. Well, most of the time.

The most difficult part of teaching in Thailand isn't the kids, or the strange local customs, or the low pay, or the language barrier, or even the heat. The most difficult part is dealing with your fellow Thai teachers.

My ex-Thai girlfriend could barely say, "Hello sexy man" when I first met her, but after spending most of two years with me and studying from a dictionary and a couple of other language books on her own, she became pretty good at communicating in English. I had friends with Thai wives who remarked at how much she seemed to understand.

Imagine my surprise when I started teaching, and discovered that most of the Thai English teachers, who had been teaching English for 15, 20, even 30 years, couldn't hold a conversation with me beyond, "Hello, how are you?"

It's true: The average Pattaya bargirl, with her 6th grade education and annoying pidgeon English banter, can communicate better in English than most Thai English teachers.

The reason: The teachers never listen to native English speakers speaking the language. Bargirls hear it all day, every day.

The old Thai dragons can teach reading and writing and grammar just fine, but speaking? Not so much.

Here's where "saving face" comes into play again.

The Thai English teacher has been teaching her brand of spoken "Tinglish" to her students for X-years, and getting along just fine, thank you very much, when along comes these pesky native English speakers . . .

One day in class I commented on a shirt a girl was wearing - Eeyore from the "Winnie-The-Pooh" books and cartoons. I pronounced his name the way I've heard it since I saw the movies as a kid - EE-or - emphasis on the first syllable. The kids all corrected me in unison - "e-YAH!", sounding like some over-excited Asian stagecoach driver whipping their horses to flee from rampaging comanches.

That's the way Ajarn Sillyporn told them to pronounce it.

"No" I assure them,"He's a donkey from a famous British children's book, made famous by an American feature-length cartoon, and his name is most certainly pronounced 'EE-or'."

They looked at me like I was nuts.

When I tried to ask Ajarn Sillyporn about it, she got all uncomfortable and did what all Thais do when some stupid foreigner insists on pointing out their mistake: She smiled and laughed and walked away.

You see, they've never watched "Winnie-The-Pooh and the Blustery Day" or any other Pooh cartoon with the original English language soundtrack. They've only heard Pooh and Eeyore and Kanga and Roo and Piglet and even Christopher Robbin in Thai. They actually think it's a Thai cartoon!

Can you imagine: Never hearing the distinctive voice of Paul Winchell as Tigger? Instead they think Tigger's name is "Ti-GUH!" and that he speaks Thai.

Oh, the humanity!

Sofa King

Sofa King


From: Leslie from Tropical Bar Tijuana Mexico

[quote name="bushdoctor" post="2578084" timestamp="1394513001" date="Today, 09:43 PM"]
Leslie from Tropical Bar Tijuana


The weather was almost perfect Sunday afternoon, and since I had the freedom of two days off from work I decided to head south and enjoy what TJ has to offer. I enjoy going during the day sometimes, it gives a different perspective. I got to the UETA parking lot at about 3:00. I got my parking slip, stashed my usual $20 in the car just in case, and started walking towards the bridge. On the way I see a bicycle taxi. He says its $3.50. I've never taken one before but thought what the hell, I'll be a big spender today, so I took the ride right up to the border and avoided sweaty balls. I wanted to keep them fresh for whichever lucky girl I would soon be choosing. After crossing over I took a $1 shared taxi to Revolution.

From Revo I took a zenic stroll towards La Zona Norte taking in all the sights, smells, and sounds, and just enjoying the day. I thought is take a look at the local Tijuana hookers. I started down Constitution and as I was checking out all the street girls I felt a little wood coming on, smiling and nodding at a few as I strutted on down to the alley. This was going to be a good day!

My first stop was Hong Kong Bar. I came in the alley side and being the VIP monger that I am, I was able to get a booth right across from the stage.... that's the nice thing about Sunday afternoon, it's easy to find a good seat. They had the A/C on and it was comfortable. I had all the time in the world and was just enjoying the talent while sipping on a $4 Coke. I usually don't order cokes but I wasn't ready to start drinking yet. Lucky me, I was just in time for the naked lesbian shaving cream show. Things were going smooth. After about 20 minutes and a little stinky finger I finished off my coke and just had the empty can sitting there in front of me. I noticed none of the maseros were hovering and pushing me for another drink. Since I wasn't in a hurry for a beer I thought I'd do a little experiment to entertain myself. How long would it take for one the maseros to ask me if I need a drink? Maseros passed by left and right, but they saw the coke can and I didn't get any of the usual annoyance or harassment I've come to expect from them.

After about 20 more minutes I spotted a couple of hotties dancing on the lower stage on other side, so I followed my dick over and again, found a booth right away directly across from the action. I sat my empty coke can down in front of me, again no one tried to shove drinks or tequila down my throat. I chit chatted for a while and watched the dancers. One was a blonde and had a braided ponytail that she kept hanging to her left front side, she had what appeared to be a near perfect female body and big fake boobs. She said she is indeed Mexican. When she finished dancing she sat at the bar fully nude and ordered a drink. The other one had black hair with long braids with beads on the end, and a tight little body herself. I liked both of their looks and since the wood had returned I was deciding which one to invite to my table, but I started watching a couple of unknown mongers and lost track of where they went. These newbie guys were cracking me up.

I had been there about an hour and was ready for my beer. I flagged down a masero and ordered. If you ever feel like not being molested by maseros, just order a $4 coke, that seems to be all it takes to be left alone.

Later I finally spotted that dancer with the long braids and beads again. I brought her to my table and bought her a ficha. We started talking and within a few minutes I was asking her when she got off and if she wanted to to a todo la noche. She asked me if I like lesbians. I said sure. She asked me if I like morenas, again...sure. She asked if I wanted 2 girls for the night, her and her friend. I said sure. She asked how much. I said $100 for both in my room. She said ok and went to get her friend so she could introduce me. I love Tijuana!

Well, they came back but her friend was a little bigger than I like, not fat at all, just bigger and taller than I care for and there was no chemistry there, so being the gentleman that I am, I lied and told them I had some things I needed to do but would return when their shift was over.

So I crossed the street and went to Tropical Bar for the 2 for 1 beers. Got my 2 Sols for $4 and settled in at a table. They had the A/C on too....what's going on in TJ? Those beers went down smooth. I had probably 4-5 at Hong Kong and now ordered my second 2 for 1 round at Tropical. Right about that time I noticed all the girls were starting to look better and better. With each beer there were more hot girls in there that I apparently hadn't noticed when I first walked in. So one young girl grabs a masero and whispers something to him. He takes her to my table and offers her to me, she acts shy and sits down beside me. I was convinced she was hot, but couldn't be sure since my beer googles were in full effect. What the hell, as long as I think she's hot, she's hot. In fact, sometimes if I can't find a hot one I depend on my beer googles, but I told myself I would take pictures so I could decide the next day.

She doesn't speak English, I prefer when they can speak at least a little, but oh well. She said she had only worked at Tropical Bar for one month and it was her first job like this. Her name is Leslie from Monterey and she is 20 years old. She has one son less than a year old at home that her friend is babysitting, so she needs to go home after work. She still has leche in her natural little boobies. I didn't get my room yet, and I decided this was going to be a one day bombing run. I told her if I take her to VIP that she must have excellent oral skills. She assured me she did. I ordered a bucket of 5 beers for her. The masero brought me a bucket of 6 beers and a bag of chips. The chips and one beer went back. $35. Leslie didn't let me down, she did a decent BBBJ and kept at it for probably 10-15 minutes, but it just wasn't happening. She took a little break and gave me a dance, and I had a little fun squirting her leche around the VIP booth. She started played with Mr Duke again and then got back to it. I was impressed that she didn't give up. Eventually I did feed her the man juice she was craving. She really tried to give good service and it finally paid off. I told her I wanted to try her panocha too. She asked me if I had a condom. I said no. She said she couldn't then, not without a condom. Half joking I said OK just in your culo then....she said ok. WTF? That doesn't make sense to me, but you never know unless you ask, mental note, three holer for another time.

This time I didn't get so lucky as to get out of the propina (tip) like I have several times before in the Tropical VIP room, no prob, she wanted $20 and I think she earned it.

On the way back home that night I stopped off at my favorite taco cart and had a couple of tacos with everything. They were great as usual. I flagged down a taxi, just to be safe I gave him my usual "I only have $5 will that be enough to get me to the border?" routine. I figure they won't want to rob me if I only have $4-5 and they will be getting it anyway. I was dropped off at the end of the line for the border crossing. Usually I can use my passport card in the ready lane and get through pretty quickly. The line was long, way back before the pedestrian bridge and since I had lost my passport card and was waiting for my duplicate in the mail, I decided to be a big spender again and took the big full size bus for $6. I got on and took a seat. It was pretty comfortable. With the hum of the Diesel engine and the A/C going I dozed off for 30 minutes, until the bus finished its 200 yard journey and made it to the border crossing. I went in the side door and stood in a small line for bus passengers and handicapped. I was on the other side in 10 minutes. I heard a guy in the next line, (general public line) say he had been standing in line for two hours. Normally when I've gone on a Sunday the line isn't too bad, less than an hour for the general line, sometimes 10-15 minutes, but not that night.

I woke up this morning and checked my pics to see if she was hot or not, hoping I wouldn't be horrified....
[/quote]Source: [url="http://www.pattaya-addicts.com/forum/topic/213348-leslie-from-tropical-bar-tijuana-mexico/?view=findpost&p=2578084"]Leslie from Tropical Bar Tijuana Mexico[/url]




#5 A Tale of Two Fans

Back in 2006 my then gf and I had an apartment in a big Thai city. We had A/C but soon discovered how expensive it was to run it, so we relied on our two fans: One on the wall, supplied by the owners, the other a small fan we bought.

One day the wall fan poops out. I go by the office and, with my poor Thai and a few hand gestures, explain the problem to the lady in charge. Just to be on the safe side I have my gf go by and remind her. No problem, the gf assures me, they'll take care of it.

One week goes by. Fan not fixed. I see the landlady and I smile and give her a wai and say, "Padlom, no work.". She smiles and says yes, yes, okay, etc.

Two weeks, still not fixed. I'm starting to get pissed, so I have the gf do the reminding. A few days later a brand new wall fan, still sealed in its box, appears on the floor just a few doors down. Ah, I think, maybe that's ours. They'll probably install it tomorrow.

I was pretty new to Thailand, obviously.

One week later, the fan in box is still sitting there.

Gf talks to the landlady again. Landlady shows up at our door around 6-7 PM, all smiley and apologetic, and gives my gf a plate of sliced pineapple.

Now, this is where my temper kicks in. At the time I didn't understand the way Thais do things.

I grab the plate of pineapple from my gf. "I don't want her fuckin' pineapple! I want the fan fixed!". I then set the plate on the floor outside our door.

"Let me show you how we fix problems in America!"

I stormed down the hallway, past the frightened landlady, and walked the ten blocks to an appliance store, where I paid about 800 baht for a nice tall fan. I then walked back to our apartment, pulled the fan out of the box, performed the simple assembley, plugged it in, and proceeded to sit in front of it for the rest of the evening.

"That's how you fix a problem! And it only took me about 30 minutes!"

Of course, the maintaince guy put in the new wall fan a couple days later.

If something goes wrong, Thais don't confront the person who fucked up. They smile and make excuses for why things went wrong. If your waiter forgets your ice tea, you (the inconvenienced customer) are expected to give him a knowing smile and say, "You are very busy tonight.".

This is a difficult concept for Westerners. Making excuses for another's mistake gives you the social "high ground". That's very important to Thais.

Fast forward to this past October. My sorta-boss, the senior Thai teacher in our department, wanted to change classrooms with me. She wanted the room with air conditioning. No problem, but I asked her if the school could provide me with a fan. Of course, no problem.

Do you see where this is going?

One week later and I still didn't have a fan.

However, what I DO have is more wisdom about how Thais do things.

I don't even bother reminding her, I just go buy a little fan and put it in my classroom. Only 300 baht AND I avoid all the aggravation of repeating the above scenario from 2006.

About one week later she walks into my classroom and notices the fan.

"Oh, you have fan? Where you get? Do you buy this?"

Now who has the social high ground?

"Yes, I went across the street and bought it. You must be very busy."

See what I did there?

She gets all nervous, talking about how my fan is too small and how she's going to get me a better fan. I protest, telling her not to worry about it, this fan is fine for me. She won't hear of it. Sure enough, a couple days later, she walks in with a big, new fan. She also insists on taking my little fan for her room. Of course the big new fan has the school name written on the base.

That fan is evidence of how well they treat me . . . at least in their bizarre way of thinking.

She trudged back to her room with my puny little fan in hand, and I could have sworn I heard her say, . . .

"Tis a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done before . . ."

Sofa King

Sofa King


Jazz at Hong Kong Bar Tijuana, Mexico

Jazz Hong Kong Bar

Welcome to Mexico....


My wingman and I were head to the casino at Hipodromo to play craps, but decided to stop by Hong Kong Bar for a couple of quick drinks and check out the scenery before heading out to the casino.


We fond a booth and had a seat, I was sipping on a beer and my wing was drinking his usual water when Jazz walked by. We made a few remarks and soon she was sitting with us, we decided we would buy her one ficha before leaving for the casino.

We sat and chatted with her for 15-20 minutes and we both agreed she had a nice ass. She was probably 23 years old and spoke perfect English with a slight chola accent. The chola accent concerned me a little, but the communication was great, which is always a plus for me since my I struggle with Spanish. She lives in Ensenada but grew up around LA. As fun as she was to talk with, when she finished her drink we stuck to our plan and said goodbye and went to the casino.

I didn't think much about it again until a couple of days later when I went back to Hong Kong, this time I was rolling solo. Literally as soon as I walked in the door I saw Jazz. She was wearing her street clothes and sitting at a table across from the bar near the main entrance with a guy that was buying her beers. We made eye contact, she recognized me and excused herself from the table and walked over to me. She asked me if I could hang out and wait for her for about 10 minutes or so, so she could get rid of the guy and we could go party. I agreed, why not?

About 10 minutes later she came back, just like she promised. She said it was her day off but she got bored and went to Hong Kong to pass the time. She said the guy was someone she met there that day and he was buying her the small ficha beers at $8 a pop. We both thought that was ridiculous since she wasn't on the clock, but that's the way Hong Kong said it had to be. She asked me if I wanted to go to another bar with her so we could have a few regular sized drinks at normal prices. I absolutely agreed.

We went to Tropical Bar across the street for the 2 for 1 beers for $4.


We got a table (not a booth) and sat, she was on one side of the table, and I was directly across from her. We ordered (one) 2 for 1 round, but got four beers....that's Tropical Bar logic! So we are enjoying our drinks and talking when an older bar girl, probably in her forties walks up to me and asked me if I needed company, she wanted to sit with me. I said no thanks I'm just here to drink a few beers and chat with my friend. She was a little persistent like they can be at times, and again asked me if she could sit with me. Before I could say no again Jazz tells her to fuck off. She said "you're disrespecting me and disrespecting my table, he's with me so leave us alone and get the fuck away". I thought to myself the chola in her is starting to come out!

The two of them exchange unpleasantries for a couple of minutes until the manager came over. Jazz asked him to get the lady away from us, she's bothering us and we don't want her at our table. Things settled down and I told her to relax. I said I'll be the one to handle any other discrepancies that might come up for the rest of the evening not her. I made sure she was clear on that. She agreed.

I try to avoid trouble in the Zona so I knew I had to set boundaries for this girl right away before she got out of control. She said something to me that sounded a little demanding a little later, I don't remember what exactly but it doesn't matter, that was my queue. I immediately stood up and said thanks for the drinks, I'm gonna take off now. (This is me setting boundaries) She asked why, I said I just don't like the vibe I'm getting so it's best that I go ahead and leave. She apologized and said she won't let that happen again. She said she was having fun with me and wanted to hang out with me for a night of partying, and then go back to my room and spend the night. I think I got my point across, she got the idea that I'm the one in charge if she wants to hang, not her, so I agreed and we finished off our second round of 4 beers.

I felt like we were being stared down by the bar girl and suggested we go to another bar and start over, this time a bar of her choice. She chose La Perla, a seafood restaurant at the corner of Calle Coahuila and Niños Heroes.

La Perla


That night they had a live Mexican band. We ordered another round, an entree, and listened to the band. She thought they were great, "real Mexican music" she called it. She decided this would be a good time and place to give me a lap dance. The whole night she had been focused on me and seemed to have tunnel vision, she didn't care or notice who else was around, it was just me and her. We had some fun there for a while and a couple rounds but it was still a little early and not many patrons yet, so we decided to try out Dolce y Gabana.


Inside Dolce and Gabana is a surprisingly nice bar. There are two sections, the front with a stage, a stage near the middle, and the rear section. We sat at a table in the front section near where all the bar girls were sitting, apparently bored and waiting on more customers to come in. We ordered another round, we were talking and laughing and she gave me a couple more lap dances. Then we moved over to the middle stage and she jumped up and started dancing on the stage with her street cloths on, climbing the pole and all. She did two or three dances there, with me putting a few $1 in all the right places. Then she jumped back down for another lap dance. She was feeling no pain. The other girls were watching and seemed OK with us, but the masero was giving us the stink eye. We chatted for a while then she moves to the main stage near the front and got up on the stage again and started dancing. The masero was looking at me with a sour face. I got up and walked over to him. He straightened up a bit and I asked him if he wanted us to leave, he said well yes. I said no problem, we would be glad to spend our money at another bar. I got her off the stage and walked out the door with her with no objection from her, she understood that I was in charge of keeping us out of trouble for the night.

We took a few steps down the sidewalk when I noticed she still had a beer and was getting ready to take a drink. I took it from her, said wait here, and went back inside and sat the beer on a table and left again. No drinking in the streets. Well this girl was a lot of fun and giving me all her attention. She was doing a great job of entertaining me, but I couldn't help feeling a bit like a babysitter at this point. But since she did have such a nice ass I accepted the position.

Next stop La Maquerida on the corner of Constitution and the Calle Coahuila Alley.


The security at La Malquerida made me feel so safe....not.


We walked in and took a seat at the only open table I saw, on the main floor across from the bar, and next to the stage. We had a few more drinks and she gave me a few more lap dances over the course of the next hour. We were having a great night, then she knocked her drink off the table and shattered it on the ground. One of the employees just laughed and cleaned it up. (Keep in mind that we had been drinking for a few hours by now.) A few minutes later she had a drink in her hand but she was spilling it on the floor as she was talking, I decided she had enough and we should go back to the room before she dropped another one.

Back to my room on the sixth floor of Cascadas Hotel above Hong Kong around 3:00am or so. We had a nice romp in la cama, any position I wanted and she performed like a champ. Afterwards I must have dozed off for a few minutes, it was about 4:30 am when she sprung up and realized she had to leave. No money was ever discussed but the girl was a great actress and showed me a very nice time, so I gave her a $100 bill, since I was all out of pesos. I'm sure she would have taken less but I didn't want to send the wrong message, this was a business transaction. We said goodbye and she left, leaving me with a nice bed all to myself, that's a good thing! I slept for a few hours of much needed, uninterrupted sleep and was ready to cross back over to the US, ending a pretty nice trip.

Bottom line....Jazz seems to me like a fun party girl, but one that could easily get you in trouble if you don't constantly keep her in check. Would I repeat? Probably so since she eventually quit trying to run the show. Sorry, no pictures of her this time.




#4 Playing Grab Ass

And now a word about Thai men.

Obviously most of us who come to Pattaya on holiday don't deal with Thai men, at least not to any great extent. Motorbike taxi drivers, gogo and club doormen, hawkers - that's about it.

Having lived and worked here for several years now, I have delt with Thai men much more extensively. Co-workers, neighbors, business owners, students, even a couple of cops - I've gotten to know quite a few. Some are great, some are jerks, but most of them have one thing in common: They are very touchy-feely with other men.

I'm American, grew up in the Midwest in the 70's, and boys wrestled and hit each other. Mock violence was common. That was okay. Touching was not. Putting your arm around another boy was gay.

I'm all grown up now, and very supportive of gay rights. I might joke around with a good friend and get touchy-feely, what my Dad used to call "playing grab ass", but only with a guy I knew really well and for a long time. Obviously in grief you put an arm on a friend's shoulders, give them a hug, but very rarely. The way I was raised, guys didn't do that. You respected a man's space.

I realize part of this is an American problem with male intimacy. Men are supposed to be "strong and silent". Men don't cry. When I told my retired military friend about taking motobike taxis, he said with disgust, "Men don't ride bitch."

Thai male/male familiarity would make him lock and barricade his doors.

Early in my teaching career I saw two boys, probably 16-17 years old, sitting on a motorbike. The one in front was leaning back against the other. The one behind was picking at the others hair. I discreetly pointed this out to a Thai teacher and asked, "Gay?". She said no, normal behavior for Thai boys. In the US boys would never do that. I see it all the time amongst my male students.

Grown Thai men, too. They are always grabbing each other, and me as well. Everywhere I go Thai men I don't know feel compelled to touch me, usually on the arm or shoulder. I was in a grocery store, and an older Thai guy is asking me if I have a wife. When I say no he grabs me firmly by the elbow and gets real close and asks if I like the girls who are stocking the shelves. And it wasn't like he had to get close to whisper, he said it loud, but for some reason he felt the need to grab me. Dude, you're envading my space! Talk to me from over there!

One Thai teacher at my new school was always grabbing my arm when he talked to me, even reached down and grabbed my ass once. I always smiled and tried to slowly break free without being too reactionary, but with this particular guy I finally just had to jerk my arm away and say, "Mai chop!" (I don't like that!). He kept his distance after that.

Anybody else had similiar experiences with Thai men, or other nationalities?

If I could only get Thai women to get more touchy-feely with me . . .

Sofa King

Sofa King



Kim at Hong Kong Bar


I just got done with a session with Kim from Hong Kong bar.

I hadn't seen Kim in the bar before. I walked in and sat at the lower bar at the corner by the front entrance. I had been waiting to order a beer for a while when one of the dancers up on top of the bar came over from the far side and leaned down and jokingly said "you don't look happy." I said that's right because I'm thirsty and I can't get the bartenders attention to order my damned beer...lol. She whispered "maybe I can make you happy....." but then her voice just seemed to fade away, looking just behind her I saw a stunning, petite, sexy little girl dancing on top of the bar, she had caught my eye and my full attention. She didn't really look Mexican, more Asian to me. (that's a good thing) I let the other girl leave and just watched this asian vixen doing her sensual dance. She was wearing a super short skirt and I was getting a glimpse of a beautiful ass underneath. I loved her nice little spinner body and decided she was just what I wanted that day. I was just going to call her over but another guy beat me to it and started buying her ficha after ficha there at the bar. Lesson learned, if you snooze you lose in Tijuana.

They finally went upstairs on the balcony and got a table. No problem, I went and got a booth opposite the giant TV screen and started watching the game. I don't usually wait on a girl but I thought this one would be worth it. I told my mesero Angel when she gets finished with the guy bring her to my table.

About an HOUR LATER she finally stops by. The guy must have spent a small fortune on her but strangely didn't even take her up to the room. She says her name is Kim from Puebla, but she lives in TJ. Very nice soft smooth legs, she doesn't shave them, she doesn't need to, they don't grow hair. She's pretty young, 22 years old and cute as hell. Now I know what you're thinking....what about the age difference? Yes that's a little old for me but what the hell, I'll make an exception this time. So I buy her a couple of fichas and we talk. She says she understands English but doesn't speak it. So we have a good time and a few laughs for about 30 minutes as I stroked her silky legs. We seemed to click and I liked her so I decided I would take her upstairs to my room at Cascadas.

I asked her how much, she said $80 but almost in the same breath went down to $60. I said for one hour? (here I go again) She said...one hour? I say yes one hour. She says wow, well OK. I said I only have pesos so 600 pesos? She says no...$60 isn't 600 pesos. Smart girl, I was impressed since this has worked for me before many times. She says give me your phone and I'll show you. I pull it out and put it on calculator. I type in 60x12.50 (the rate Hong Kong advertises) = 750 pesos. She says nooo, let me show you. She types in 60x12 and comes it with 720 pesos....oops, we both laughed. I like this girl. She said she wants 800 pesos for an hour, and guess what? I stopped the negotiating and said OK! With my Schwab card ATM rate that's about $61 for the hour, a little more than I would normally pay a girl in HK but I thought she was worth it.

We had a great time in the room, I thoroughly enjoyed her nice little spinner body and fine ass. Before we started she ordered a fresh sheet from room service for $1 and spread it over the blanket. We took a shower before and after. She made sure her shaved kitty was squeaky clean. That's why I prefer the full hour so I'm not rushed. She started out with a decent BBBJ then followed with covered sex multiple positions. When I put her flat down on her stomach and started on her again it was all over. The girl made me very happy, she was happy too. She put her number in my phone and I guarantee I will repeat the next time I see her there. She said she might hang out next time after her shift, maybe Ill take her to Nikki's BBQ and eat. Very nice girl. I would recommend her but I really don't think I want you douche bags going anywhere near her.




#3 Hot For Teacher

Do you want a "good" Thai wife or girlfriend? Start visiting schools.

Not for the students, you pervs, I'm talking about the teachers.

There are so many hot Thai teachers, many of them fresh out of university, and curious about falangs. They are the smart cousins of those Pattaya bargirls you've been spending money on. Most are a bit more reserved, though occassionally you'll find one who likes to party. Hot, 20-something, and educated to boot - great wife material.

And therein lies my problem: I don't want a wife or a girlfriend. I want to play Mr. Chips during the week, and turn into Mr. Dirty Drunken Whoremonger on the weekends.

Meanwhile I am surrounded by all these sexy Thai teachers.

At my last school it was Miss Nok. Lovely dark skin, beautiful lips, no tits but she had an ass to die for. Nok taught science in the room across from mine, so I had ample opportunity to admire the delicious curve that extended from her lower back down over her perfectly round ass. I loved those tight blue dresses that all the teachers wore twice a week. Then again Miss Nok looked great no matter what she wore. On Wednesdays no one filled out the scout uniform skirt better than Miss Nok (plus she often wore the ranger hat, which was a strange turn-on for me). I experienced nirvana during sports week when I finally got to see Nok in a pair of jeans. Wowza! Of course she never showed the slightest interest in me . . .

. . . Unlike the lovely Miss Whale, who could have worked in most Pattaya gogos: About 25 years old, 5'7", nice long legs, and a large chest. Whale was the computer teacher and was always very friendly to me. Not a beautiful face, but her body and personality more than compensated for it. Her friend ( also nice looking, but not like Whale) was let go for hitting a student (that's a laugh - I saw Thai teachers wacking kids with sticks everyday) and sadly Whale went with her. Shoulda got her number, but she was gone before I could act.

Another common phenomenon in Thai schools - the horny middle-aged cougars. Had one at my previous school, 40ish, not a bad figure, always smiling and flirting with me. Of course the strumpet was dropped off by her Thai husband/boyfriend every morning. Tease.

So you're saying to yourself, "Sofa King, you idiot! Fuck one of these women!". No my friends, can't do it. School teachers in Thailand are highly respected, much more than back in falangland. I don't want the drama that would insue after my teacher/gf found out I was seen on Soi 6. The loss of face would be severe. Plus age and experience have taught me not to shit where I eat. Messing with co-workers is not a good idea.

When I got to my new school, my buddy's wife tried to set me up with her friend, who is a teacher at my school. Nice gal, good figure, but a Neanderthal-like face. I used the "can't-mix-work-and-pleasure" excuse. She wouldn't be a bad option. She's in her mid-30's and has reached a decent pay level (probably 15,000 - 20,000 per month), and she sells insurance on the side.

Of course there are plenty of other choice candidates. One little cutie at my school has the most perfect little spinner body, and seems to be a genuinely sweet girl. I would love to corrupt her, but I doubt she would be understanding of my weekend getaways to drink and debauch in the big city.

Then there's the new 28 year old foreign language teacher, who speaks English really well and has a rockin' body. Unfortunately she also seems to be a vain headcase. I wouldn't feel nearly as bad about tainting her reputation, though I may be too late on that account. The school is all abuzz about a huge wide screen TV she "allegedly" received from a local admirer, and they say it might have been obtained by illegal means. Best leave that piece of totty well alone.

But to all you guys looking for a Thai wife with an unblemished reputation whom you can safely take home to Mom and Dad, get thee to a Thai school post haste.

Me, I'll stick to the wanton women.

Sofa King

Sofa King


Swimming pools,,

Hi Ppl..i am new to this so i hope i get it right,,,!!

when i travel i allways like to stay in a hotel with a pool... but are there any places you can go to that

have a swimming pool that can be used by the public, if in case i decide to stay in a guest house...

to give me more location options for accommodation and to keep my expences down?




#2 Same Same But Different

I arrived Sunday afternoon. I met with the principal Monday morning, showed them all pertinent documents, agreed on a salary, and was teaching that day.

It's a governmnt school with about 1500 students in a growing town, about an hours drive from two good-sized cities.

The kids are well behaved. The town is friendly. And, as with every Thai school I've worked at, they don't communicate with the falang.

7:50 AM, I'm sitting in my classroom, going over my lesson plans for the day. My phone rings. It's the Thai teacher who is sort of my boss. "Come to the office. We go for parade now."

"What parade?"

"You ride my car." Click.

So we drove to the other end of the main drag and lined up and paraded through town. That was advanced notice - about ten minutes before the parade began.

One day I came to school like normal, but no one was there. The place was empty - a ghost town. I call my sort-of boss. She said in a groggy voice, "No school today."

The day of our school-wide Christmas party, festivities set to kick off after lunch at 1 PM, sort-of boss walks in at 12:40 with a Santa suit. "You play Santa today."

SOP for a Thai school, I have discovered. One of your classes doesn't show up? It was cancelled, but no one told the falang.

The main difference at this school so far - morning assembly.

At my other schools they were very strict about students arriving before assembly. Kids who weren't inside the gate by 8AM had to wait until the national anthem finished, then they were lined up seperately and their tardiness was recorded.

Not so at my new school. Assembley doesn't even begin until after the national anthem, then they raise the flag and sing it again around 8:10. Students just wander in like there's no hurry. They smile and giggle, like it's a game to see who can be the last one in before assembly is over. Sometimes some of the Thai teachers will yell at them, but there doesn't seem to be any punishment.

Speaking of the Thai teachers, they chat wih each other during the entire assembly. One teacher will be doing the morning announcements, and most of the other teachers will stand around in little groups, laughing and talking on their cellphones, totally ignoring the one speaking, even when the principal is speaking. Of course the students are doing the same. This would never have been tolerated at the other schools I worked at.

So now I'm 7 months in. Things are okay, not great, but okay. Sucks being so far from civilization, but it ain't too bad. So far I've been a good boy in town - haven't brought any girls back to my room, haven't acted a drunken fool in public, and I avoid the local karaoke joints. When I want to be naughty I wait for the weekend and take the bus to the big city.

Speaking of being naughty, there are a couple of hotties teaching at my school, but I'll save that for my next installment.

Sofa King

Sofa King


#1 The Teacher Goes to Issan

I was teaching near Pattaya, and I had to get away.

Too many lost weekends. Get off work at 4:30 on Friday, drive home, shower, pack some stuff for overnight, catch the baht bus up Sukhumvit, transfer to the Naklua baht bus, check into my fav hotel, dinner with a big Leo, then start the "serious" drinking.

I always planned to go home Saturday afternoon, but it seldom worked out that way.

I'd end up sitting at a bar Sunday afternoon, occassionally looking at the time, rationalizing that I could finish another beer and still have time to catch a baht bus home.

"Four-o'clock? Yeeaahh! Plenty of time! Last baht bus leaves Naklua around 7pm. Ow eek, kap! One more Leo!"

A few times I'd have to flag down a taxi, standing on Sukhumvit at 8pm, drunk.

A few times I'd just get a room for Sunday night. "I'll catch the first baht bus in the morning."

Once or twice I just called off sick Monday morning.

I had to get away. I worked and lived too close to Pattaya. I loved it, but I was blowing too much money.

My buddy and his wife had a shop in a small town in Issan, not far from the Laos border. He said the local high school would love to have an experienced falang teacher. They had a guy from Cameroon, but they'd love to have an American.

I'd visited before. It wasn't bad. Kind of quiet, but that's what I needed. Less money than I was used to, but expenses were less, too.

I'd done my stint in a village before. This would be a piece of cake compared to that. They had two 7/11's and a Tesco Lotus express!

What the hell. Try it for 6 months or a year. See how it goes.

So I quit my job, packed a minimal amount of stuff, and hopped on the bus.

Issan, here I come.

Sofa King

Sofa King



Hi guys just wondering if anybody knows id my girlfriend would be able to sell in property in pattaya without going back ?

she's under the impression that her and the buyer need to be present to sell the property ?

hope you can help

thanks Jon




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getting money back

If you have been scammed or ripped off by another foreigner, girl friend or wife then we can help get your money back.

If you want to enter into some sort of agreement then get a proper contract drawn up. Remember there are no friends when it comes to money. There are no gentlemen agreements when it comes to money. Someone promising to pay you back is no guarantee - but having a contract is proof and can be used later in court.

If you send / lend money to the GF or the parents then get a contract or keep their title deed.

Remember to keep receipts and make sure your bank book has entries in it to prove that you brought money in from overseas to fund the family or girl friend.

Also when you have lent the money then you can enter into a mortgage with them to seal the deal and so that the asset cannot be sold off.

Make sure you have a living will and or a last will and testament as this will then make the Executors job easier. Also have the Wills in English and Thai as this makes probate easier in the courts.

Our service to you is:
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