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balls

dj tomski dj school

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balls

roll up roll up...........

 

dj tomski the best dj in asia invites you to enrol in his dj "skool" for wannabe deck technicians, study between mongering and shmongering sessions and become a legend - you too could be the best dj in asia one day.

 

20 hours split over 3 fun filled days and 4 easy sessions with the "guru" and a host of beauties to service your every desire.

 

for 150 dollars you get a set of cloud 800's with rubber mats and varispeed to +/- 3, and 2 free 7 inch records (celine dion - titanic and joe dolce - shaddap yo face) to practice your mixing and cutting in between sessions with the master.

 

session 1 is introduction to djing - how to look cool and dress correct.

 

you must grow your hair to a suitable mullet length before undertaking this course, anything shorter than a pat sharp and you will be disqualified from starting, either that or shave all hair off (the best djs are bald), you must bring a suitable pair of old skool trainers and your biggest oversize t shirt with preferably a record companies logo on it.

 

session 2 - how to mix your drinks/drugs and retain ability to mix

 

this involves getting smashed on any and all substances and household fluids and playing for at least 2 hours without falling over or allowing the music to stop. - this is pretty advanced stuff for session 2 i think you'll agree.

 

session 3 - how to mix and balance ciggies on your ashtray without letting them fall into the ashtray.

 

this also involves smoking cigs in the side of your mouth and getting your dj "look" right. you have to be on the cool side of geeky. this session involves looking moody and we may even cover cool dj moves - "nodding", "finger shaking to the beat" and "hands in the air" breakdown poses.

 

session 3 - customer care.

 

in this session we cover how to get ladies phone numbers when they ask you for requests, this is a "top secret" dj technique used by the best in the world. we also cover in this unit "put downs" for wanker customers - frequently used phrases of mine are :

 

in response to the statement - "the musics shit" - the best reply is - "if you dont like the music - fuck off somewhere else"

in response to the statement - "have you got....(song)" - which is usually a shit one that doesnt sit in your set, the best reply is - " i have but its in my other bag / i left it at home / im not playing that shit"

 

session 3 - cutting and scratching, this is where your 7 inch records come into play, spinbacks, cuts, transforms, chicken scratches, stutters, fades and all other essential buzzwords will be explained to you to, to dazzle your friends and impress ladies with your trainspotter-like knowledge of dj'ing.

 

session 4 - this is the final mixdown, where you'll get tips and techniques on programming your set (what records to play and where) and play a live mix with tomski himself, after this you will be presented with a printed certificate to show you have been royally ripped off of your 150 bucks.

 

anyone interested can PM me for enrolment dates, or please feel free to leave some "freestyle" modules or suggestions for inclusion underneath this post.

 

 

dj tomski mixes can be purchased from his on-line store - either C-60 or C-90 tapes, featuring all the latest joints seamlessly blended for you car stereo.

www.djtomski.com

 

word to your mutha. peace

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deadman

i will see you on june 2nd for an informal chat!

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timorno
i will see you on june 2nd for an informal chat!

 

I hoped to be the first graduate but apparently Ali will get the certificate before me. :D

You hold a course in August as well Tomski?

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Shuggy

You take credit cards?

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Scumbag

Can I have some more details about this bit: and a host of beauties to service your every desire.?..... :o

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whitespider

Last years top student I believe, obviously good value for money IMO.

 

Mind you that's half Pattaya so maybe you save 150 bucks lads.

 

nerd.jpg

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boroboy

my first set of decks were clouds with fluffy Rezerection slipmats! does this mean i can skip lesson 1 and maybe get a discount. had the bald head for ages now aswell! :o

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whitespider
my first set of decks were clouds with fluffy Rezerection slipmats! does this mean i can skip lesson 1 and maybe get a discount. had the bald head for ages now aswell! :o

 

reading between the lines I think you have to pay more coz you need to buy a mullet wig

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Shuggy

When do we get to talk cool and that like Alley G?

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balls

no credit cards, no discounts, the beauties to service your desire are my two cleaners.

 

i aint no 'effing charity, im running a business here.

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googlehead
Mind you that's half Pattaya so maybe you save 150 bucks lads.

 

nerd.jpg

 

 

and your not lieing well accept for the fact that he is slim

Edited by dirtys

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CockSnot

Ha ha, Clouds... I had a cloud mixer once. Categorically the worst piece of kit I have ever used. Maybe with the exception of the SoundLab belt drives I have for 'My First Decks'. Talk about Fisher-Price....

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cha1kie

Beauties!? Tomski, remember i've seen your cleaners!

 

Beware folks, i feel a scam in the making...

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deadman

tomski, i hope you got the syllabus ready?

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Mr.DreamTransport

You forgot the part where you gpick out the ever so cool dj name, and tell the heralding stories about how some famous dj had given you that nickname after watching you spin. If i had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I'd be well off and retired by now.

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